shalrath: what doesnt kill you gives you exp points
fasterfood: half of me wants to be a really physically active person but the other half of me is like “nah son” and how can I argue with that
sheeppap: tHE MAP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ON MY BLOG I S MAKING ME LAUGH RN ITS LIKE ew an american ew ew ew everyone cluster so it cant get to us ew
flutterlings: the whole yahoo/tumblr thing is rly just like when a single dad marries a new woman and the kids get rebellious and are like “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM”
everyday: i need new clothes
me: i'll do it at 7PM
me: oops too late gotta wait till 8 now
turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: GUESS WHO GOT SOME APPLE FLAVOURED SHAMPOO WAIT NO I MEANT SCENTED DON’T WORRY IT TASTES LIKE APPLES TOO i just threw up
hikaruchord: Just so we’re clear if I say “shut up” and you say “make me” I am instantly thinking about making out with you
my-name-is-hilarious: theyahoostaff: yourfriendthecrow: I don’t know bout y’all, but the Yahoo staff are fucking HILARIOUS We are not fucking HILARIOUS HILARIOUS COME HERE AND TELL THEM THAT WE ARE NOT FUCKING theyahoostaff and i are just friends gOD
maleteen: if anyone ever breaks your heart just remember they are only human and you can break their body
marlin-the-fish: ernoticon: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON
starksexual: i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
megaman2: megaman2: “mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?” “no, i said she was fucking goofy” please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
leftforbed: leftforbed: mcsnuggie: true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn why would the movie eat my popcorn nevermind i get it
bepeu: what i learned in high school you can pass some classes by being friends with the teacher there is more than one kind of cool if you write just random things on some homework then you may still get some point but the teacher will pull you aside because she is worried about you not all food is edible who cares
lindsaychrist: ive been fired from taco bell 4 separate times but i keep just showing up for work and they forget
foodtrucker: waking up and getting up are two very very different things
americanonline: americanonline: look at how frickin content this snail is with his little stick i think we all need to calm down and look at this snail again
therisingpheonix: you’re about as irrelevant as Mean Girls 2 Wait, there was a Mean Girls 2?
Tim: You smell different...
Jenny: It's a new perfume.
Me: *Screaming at my TV* IT'S CALLED GAYYY!!!
wishcave: *opens jacket* hey u wanna buy some oh jesus fuck it’s cold *closes jacket*
viridiandreamer: ablogwithoutpants: impalas-wings: pizz4s: if you and your best friend don’t have those small gay moments i can tell you that your friendship is gonna end soon … small gay moments? we’re about an inch away from hot lesbian sex in the hallways if the whole school doesn’t think you and your best friend are fucking you’re doing it wrong Noemi
sweetguts: almost 15 years after its original explosion of popularity, pokemon’s fanbase rejoices over news you can now walk diagonally in the newest game
cnnbreaking: when you are so desperate you go to the second page of google results
jpierrepontcriss: my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home